Keeping the light behind the red
by Paulys
Summary: Annie Cresta is in love with Finnick Odair, the handsome victor forced into prostitution by the Capitol. No, not in love, obsessed. After her victory, he helped her overcome the traumas from the Arena, thus creating a bond under which she feels entitled to do whatever she needs to do to keep him by her side. Even killing.
1. Prologue

****Prologue: Red dreams****

Since the day I won the Hunger Games, red invaded my world never to leave again. It appears in my nightmares, the red gleam of the blood from the tributes that in my madness I spilled. Tributes that now get their revenge by spilling my own red, Sean's red, my dead district's partner, or, eventually, Finnick Odair. My light.

He helped me to endure the red, immersing me in the blue sea of his eyes full of love. Bewitching me with his beauty, his gaze and his voice. He held me when no one else did, helping me despite my reluctance, always present, always obliging. Except in those days when he got called to the Capitol. Terrible nights for me.

It turns out, that now I know the reason for such habitual absences. What those harpies do to him... Red has multiplied by a thousand in my head. But it's not so dark anymore, on the contrary it became satisfactory. Like a path, a way to keep my light.

And so, every night I dream of spilling the blood of his lovers, removing the obstacles of my way in an increasingly cruel fashion. Until I wake up and I see that I actually didn't do anything, that my light is still away from me, carried away by different colors. And that I am doomed to loneliness.

I can't stand it anymore. Seeing him smile on TV destroys me. Waiting for him day after day is no longer enough, nor receiving his kisses and words of love when he gets home. I need more.

I need to get rid of them. Eventually it will help him, he will never have to leave again, he will stay with me and we'll be together forever.

And for that I only need to make my red dreams come true.


	2. Chapter 1: Crystal Perfection

**Disclaimer:** Hunger games do not belong to me.

 **Chapter 1: Crystal Perfection**

* * *

 _ **Annie Cresta**_

Blue.

Her eyes are blue, but they're not deep like my boy's, it's more like a baby blue, framed by a long, wavy, platinum blonde hair. Blue and white, a strange combination.

Cashmere shows her white smile to the camera. Her teeth gleaming in a perfect grin, full of happiness. Her skin has a pink hue, and she certainly shows too much of it, but the audience likes it so. Pink are her fingernails, flawlessly filed. And finally, red is her dress, the perfect image of seduction.

Perfectly odious.

Since Finnick turned fifteen I've seen her pose next to him on television. Grabbing him in every possible way. Cuddling him, whispering things on his ear, even kissing him sometimes.

At first they said they were lovers, I didn't care. Finnick was out of my league. But now that he's mine, it simply makes me sick.

The knock on the door dims the red in my mind. I get up at the same time that I mumble an "I'm going" that saves my television of being the target of my homicidal thoughts. Mags appears on the doorframe, with her characteristic combination of white, black and gray. Her hair is a mixture of the three, forming a long, slightly wavy mane. The second color is also in her clothes and her pupils, framed in the dark brown of her irises.

.

"I came to make sure everything's all right. These days are passing really slowly. Don't you thing so?" She offered me a sympathetic smile. Even before she knew the reason for Finnick's abscences, Mags tried to help me in his name, but I didn't allow it. Now, however, I find her visits pleasing when he's not here. At least I'm not alone.

"Nice I was going to ask you for advice for Finnick's birthday, but I don't even know if he'll be here that day."I sigh, and go to Schwarz's tank, to see if he's all right.

Schwarz is a small octopus that I adopted when one day, while I was swimming, I found it clinging to my leg. It was an arduous task to get it off me. My skin ended up full of pink marks with the shape of hickeys, at first my idea was to punish him but then I didn't have the courage to put him down and decided to keep him. I gave him that name because my stylist told me that it means black in a language humans used in some places of the world, before Panem. Well, the octopus ink is black, I've always had an odd fixation with colours.

I play with him for a while, inviting him to catch my finger but never allowing it, I know he will not be here forever, I'll have to return him to the sea soon enough. Although I was told at the Capitol that if I wanted to keep him, they could keep him at the aquarium if he grows up too much. It is incredible all they do to fulfill the whims of their "beloved" victors. As if they could make up for all the evil they do to us.

"Mags, why can't I go to the Capitol? I know what Finnick said about me, but can't I convince them that I'm better now? I... I don't want him to go through this alone" I ask. I need to see him, and if in the process I can keep him away from Cashmere, I'd be killing two birds with one stone. Surprised, Mags stares at me before pulling me into a hug.

"Oh sweetheart! You're so good. When Finnick laid eyes on you, I knew it was the right decision. You want to surprise him for his birthday, don't you?" she says, and I nod, I wasn't thinking that, but it's a good idea. "But I don't know if it's the right thing to do..."

"Please! I'll be fine!" I cut her "I'll do my best not to be a nuisance!"

I beg, taking her hands between mine. I'm aware of my health issues. Since Sean's death, my sanity is frail, sometimes I feel better, sometimes worse, and it affects too much those around me. But I think I can control it. It's been a while since my last crisis, thanks to Mags and the light of my life. Nightmares are still there, dyed in red, but I no longer feel dangerous for those I love. Although the ones I hate... That's a different story.

"All right then," the woman gives in and I try my best not to smile in satisfaction "I'll ring the Capitol and see what I can do. Probably they'll say no, but as I always said, one should never lose hope. You still have a chance to show the Capitol your improvements."

Her last sentence make me wince, I know that wasn't her intention, I see it in her face. But I can't help thinking about the red I spilled inside the Arena, I was not aware even aware of it myself at that time. I had lost my district partner, without realizing the strong urges to avenge him. I didn't notice what I was doing until shortly after.

But I seriously doubt that the families of the tributes I killed find comfort on that.

Suddenly, the red comes back to my mind, remembering that isn't good for me, definitely not, but the more I try to forget, the more I try to think about the good things my life has now, my only conclusion is that even if it hurts, Sean was right.

The Capitol only exists to use us until our very destruction.

And damn, they're extremely good at doing it.

* * *

 **.**

 _ **Finnick Odair**_

White camera flashes blind my eyes. I force myself to smile because I know I'm being watched from all angles. But when we finish the photoshoot I can tell, by my companion's expression, that we both feel relieved to be able to give our eyes some rest.

"Can you believe that after all this time they still pay to see us together?" Cashmere asks me sitting on a bench, once they leave us alone.

"Obviously, my face is worth it." I wink one eye and she looks at me somewhat offended, then she says:

"You forget that I was in the picture too, handsome. It's me who the camera loves the most." She blows me a kiss and I stiffle a laugh. I must admit that we get along. We never thought we'd find support on each oher.

When I met the one who, against all odds, became one of the rare district victors in consecutive years, I had a very different opinion of her. I had a crush on her when I saw her volunteering, but it disappointed me to see her embracing the Capitol lifestyle, playing along day and night. It made me so sick that after my victory tour, when I was contemplating how my life was going to be hell from that moment onwards, she called me to offer help, confessing the truth behind her nights full of lust. I felt tremendously guilty. I had despised her, spoken ill about her behind her back, treating her as little more than a whore. When in reality, that's just a mask, the mask of the perfect career victor they force her to show. A woman who suffers despite all her faults, because it turns out, that she's just human after all.

From that moment we became close friends, my first time was with her, since I refused to allow it to happen with the first woman I got sold to and the one that, mad at not being able to be the first to taste me, schemed what happened next to my parents. I will never thank Cashmere enough. She's patient, restrained, and sensible despite her narcissistic and arrogant persona. She was just a career, put on top of an altar by the very same people who threw her off it later on. Someone who, contrary to me, believed the juicy lies of the Capitol.

I've met people like that in my district. Even now there are those who refuse to see reality. After knowing the truth I understood her more, and eventually, I fell in love.

But a romance like ours, authorized by and for the cameras, was doomed from the start. I learned the lesson shortly after, the way she slowly began to get tired of it all. Our love vanished as quickly as it came and after that what we resumed our friendship. But our roles for the Capitol's amusement never ceased to be.

Everyone cried when we were allowed to announce our break up. How cynical of them. Not only did they allow us to get together and break when they, and not us, seemed appropriate, but they never allowed us exclusivity to each other during our short relationship. Cashmere barely had a few months without being bought, when the Capitol started claiming her again. Sometimes they even bought us together. They paid to watch us have sex together, and, in the final weeks of our romance, we even made a few threesomes and foursomes.

The good thing about the experience is that we came out of it stronger, no longer together, but united. Cashmere is now one of my best friends, something I never imagined would happen to one of the "spoiled girls" of the Capitol.

.

"By the way, how is your new victor faring? I've been told that they're organizing a birthday party for you in the Capitol. It must be very hard for her."

I grimace, are they going to snatch away from me again the chance to celebrate it in my district?. Usually I don't care about my district's festivities, I'm not well liked there anyway. But this year, after Annie's victory everything changed, I felt that at last I had a reason to return there after the death of my parents. Helping her was the best thing I could do for her then. It gave me the opportunity to be with her as I wished. I remember perfectly when I noticed I was starting to have feelings for Annie. I always caught her watching me at the academy. A lot of girls did when puberty changes made themselves obvious, at fourteen, many said I became quite handsome, it was amusing to have so many eyes on me at such an early age, but it stopped being amusing after the Capitol noticed me.

In those moments, comforting Annie became a therapy for me, I missed Sean, we both did. The fame and what the Capitol did to me set me apart from my loved ones. But it was not until many years later that I began to see her differently, to notice her attempts at spending time with me, and yet, I didn't recognize the feeling until one day a guy, I think his name was Nathaniel, asked her out in the corridors of the academy. Then I noticed, I was in love. She rejected him, and since that day, I returned her attentions.

"She's not doing bad, Annie is stronger than she looks. She accepted the truth better than I thought she would. Things have been easier since then, if only I could see her more often" I sigh and Cashmere smiles, I don't know why she's so happy to see me in love again, but she is. Perhaps because after we broke up, she hasn't been allowed to live her love life as she wants, so she likes to see me finally doing it.

She always says that she wants to see me happy, as simple as that. I also want her to be happy, but knowing how the Capitol treats her and some of the other victors, I know that's impossible.

Eventually her hand rests on mine as I watch the horizon, she's always supported me since we met. I for my part stare at the Capitol crowd from Great Mall shopping centre. All shops are full even at this time of the afternoon, people, enthusiastic about their purchases of clothes and accessories, has stopped paying attention to us. Which I appreciate, finally I can relax.

"You know? It's curious. We live our life almost identically to these people and yet we can't bring ourselves to enjoy it after remembering that the price for it was blood and death" I say, staring at the floor, she nods slowly.

"When I was young I used to envy them so much, they had everything at their feet, including the districts. Now I just feel sorry for them."

"The same as us." I smile a little "In the Capitol, the academy, and even some parts of the rest of Panem, they see us as if we were heroes, a peculiar symbol of perfection. And yet if they stopped to reflect a little, to analyze ...

I bow my head again, unable to find the best way to finish the sentence. I have always boasted of being strong and I can't even allow myself to say those words, but she does.

"They would see that everything is too fragile. And that there's no perfection in it." I nod as she gets up "Anyway" She places a lock of hair behind her ear in an elegant gesture "I'd better go back to my room, I have things to do tonight. Good luck Finnick!

"Good luck!" I return the wish to her as she melts into the crowd, sighing. Cashmere is right, the Capitol, our life, feels all so fragile around us...

But deep down, the one that feels the most fragile is me, allowing them to use me like this. Allowing them to do what they want with me, only in exchange of not losing anyone else...

I try not to be weak, to look strong for Annie and myself, to avoid those moments, both diurnal and nocturnal, in which I feel as if I was made of glass. It's not good, not suitable, not reasonable.

And I end up wondering if Annie back in District 4 feels the same way. If she ever wondered if it was okay to feel so manageable, so breakable despite the exterior perfection. A perfection that is hardly an illusion.


	3. Chapter 2: It's not that easy

**Chapter 2: It's not that easy.**

* * *

 _ **Annie Cresta**_

Yellow.

The light that welcomes me to that party room is bright yellow. I have to protect my eyes from its blinding brightness. The Capitol is so strange. Too bright, too shrill, but especially too eccentric. Although when I saw it for the first time, on the television we had back in the district academy during some hunger games edition, the first adjective that came to my mind was amazing. But not in a good way, on the contrary.

Amazingly ridiculous.

I've come to the Capitol without telling anyone, convincing the president hasn't been easy for Mags, he almost didn't allow it. And I was more than ready to do this during my victory tour. I just didn't know how I could manage to talk to Cashmere in private, with the entire country's attention on me. In the end, the old woman got permission, under the excuse that she's trying to prepare me for a smooth victory tour. One without incidents.

As if my mental issues were to be fixed with a bit of therapy.

When I get used to the annoying yellow lights, I scan the room in search of my target. The blond victor is dancing with a man in his forties. I shake my head, apparently Finnick isn't the only one who ends up dancing with everyone at parties. The question would be if she's also "forced" to do it.

Without taking off the dark cloak that covers my face, I try to melt into the crowd. One of the first things I had to do as soon as I arrived was to get rid of my fellow victor looking after me, fortunately thanks to her age it was very simple, I just had to wait for her to go for a nap. Then I just covered myself so that no one would recognize me. I know that the Capitol doesn't care about me, as long as people truly believe that I'm bonkers, but seeing how quickly rumors spread around here, I can't let them discover me here before my boyfriend does. They wouldn't let me get close to him.

When I arrive next to Cashmere she had already stopped dancing and was going for a drink. Apparently that man wasn't her date since he isn't waiting for her, but talking with another person. I stand next to her before speaking up.

"Excuse me, Cashmere Shine?" She spins around, with remarkable weariness on her face. "I'm Annie Cresta. I would like to discuss an important matter with you."

I raise my chin, discreetly inserting my hand into the large handbag I carry, and caressing the handle of the knife that lies between other useful tools for my purpose. Now her face looks surprised. She looks around and, before I can react, she is dragging me to the bathroom. Fortunately, there is no one inside.

"But, are you crazy? You can't just come here to the Capitol like that. People could recognize you," she tells me, in a low voice, I take my hand away from the weapon and laugh. I'd rather wait.

"For now, no one has," I assure her taking off the hood. She sighs.

"At least your lack of style is a nice disguise against the idiots who adore us. Nobody is expecting to see the great Annie Cresta looking like a tramp, am I right?" I'm about to change my mind and stab her in whataver part of her body I reach first, when she calms down a bit and keeps talking. "Well? What did you want to speak about?"

"About Finnick," I answer, soft and timid. "I want you to stay away from him." I demand, the first time I saw her attached to his arm, I wanted to kill her, I still want to do it, but during these days I reflected a bit. I might despise this woman, but she is a victor, I can't eliminate her without it becoming a scandal, and if that happens, I won't be able to eliminate my other rivals properly. I must be cunning.

Cashmere laughs.

"May I ask why the hell should I do that?" She teases me. "We are friends. I can't make that disappear just to appease your whims."

Is she for real? Who does this girl think she is? It's not a whim, he's my boyfriend. He must be with me.

"That's precisely why I'm asking you. I... I'm Finnick Odair's girlfriend. He's mine, and I'm sick of seeing him with every other random girl all the time. I came to speak with you because I understand your bond with him, but if you refuse to listen..."

Her shrill laughter astonishes me, preventing me from thinking what to do next, until she calms down.

"Oh! I get it now, you're jealous," Cashmere nods with a smile. "Finnick doesn't know it, but you're jealous," she repeats giggling. "Don't worry about me, I'm not interested in him. I'm just trying to help you, the life of a coveted victor is hard, you know? We all need someone who understands us to cope." I keep getting more and more confused as she keeps talking. Honestly she isn't...? "I mean, it's not as if I hate you, but look at yourself! Do you seriouly think people here will let you see him dressed like that? You look like anything but a respectable victor. You should worry more about your looks while you're here," Now she's trying to lecture me. "And your manners, nobody will believe you're sane if you approach people like that."

I smile.

"They don't have to believe that I'm sane if I kill them all."

My hand closes around the knife handle and I take it out, willing to wipe out her smug expression. Then she laughs again, and says:

"Neither will they let you getting close to them if they notice you're batshit crazy. I could scream. A simple plea for help and Peacekeepers will be on top of you. They won't even let you say goodbye to your boyfriend, since he doesn't know you're here. You're playing a very dangerous game, Annie," she warns me, and that convinces me.

"I get it," I muse slowly, without releasing the weapon. "And why is that your business?"

"I told you, Annie, as a friend I want to help Finnick. And since you don't want me to keep supporting him, I should advise you. Finnick would be quite sad if the Capitol didn't let him see you ever again. And they could do it if they consider you dangerous," She explains to me, calmer than earlier. I force myself to let go of everything, damn it, she's right.

"So, what do you propose, Capitol diva?" She answers my question by giggling, then she approaches me and takes my hair.

"For now, just a makeover. Right now your boyfriend is enjoying a 'pleasant' birthday party with Thalia," she explains with a faint smile. I nod. Thalia, that's my rival's name, the girl who snatched away my chance to give Finnixk the best birthday he ever had, "We have time until he has to bring her to her room to finish the night. Come with me."

She picks up my weapon and gives it to me with a gesture of silence. I decide to give in and follow her, putting it back in my handbag, defeated but eager to keep going. Right now I can't go against her, if I do I may lose the opportunity to eliminate Thalia. And then I will never help Finnick.

* * *

.

 ** _Finnick Odair_**

It's hard to believe that the night has already fallen. And that I'm still here. In this restaurant. With her.

Thalia clings to me like we're glued. She's a repulsive twenty years old girl; with long curly pink hair and golden eyes.

"Can you feel it Finnick?" She asks, grabbing my hand and pressing it against her breasts.

I look at her confused, what am I supposed to feel?

She cocks an eyebrow, annoyed at me.

"What's wrong? Why don't you answer me? Come on, don't be daft. It's obvious I'm not wearing a bra."

I grimace and pull my hand away. It's not that she isn't attractive, on the contrary. It's just I don't feel like doing this tonight. And she... She seems somewhat intoxicated, she has drunk too much while celebrating that her favorite lover is already a year older.

"Come on, don't say nonsense, Thalia," I try to laugh, but when I least expect it, she grabs my arm.

"Do not move away! This is not over yet!"

Her demanding tone makes me nervous, but I can't do anything about it. From the moment we met, during Annie's games, it has always been like that between us. She was a whimsical, spoiled brat, used to get everything she wanted. Even her job as gamemaker, and me...

It all started in the Seventhieth Hunger Games. When my former best friend, and one of the people I most appreciated and admired, was reaped, right after Annie Cresta volunteered.

Thalia introduced herself to me as soon as I arrived at the Capitol, a newly recruited gamemaker, interested in me. I could say I was surprised, but the truth is that she wasn't the first, nor the last, in that position. I have had lovers of all social positions and ages. Nothing surprises me anymore, as it did in my first weeks as a love worker. The problem was that, at that moment, after my first futile attempt to get my former best friend to listen to me as a mentor, I was too tense. So much so that when that proud and petulant woman approached me trying, like many Capitol women, to seduce me, I refused straight away using my tributes as an excuse.

It must be said that at that time I didn't know her rank and power. When I did it was too late, she had already bought me as a way to treat herself for her debut. And, as compensation for turning her down that day, the president promised her she could have me more than one night, if she found a way to keep me. Needless to say, she did it. And too well, I should admit.

Our relationship started off on the wrong foot, and nothing has changed since then. During the Seventieth Hunger Games she threatened to kill off both my tributes, Sean and Annie, many times. She took advantage of the fact that for myself, I didn't know which one of the two I had to focus on. Every time I tried to get away from her, no matter the reason, she threatened to hurt one of them. It all seemed like an extension of my role as expert in love and sex. She wasn't the only woman who dared to do it, but she was the most cunning.

However, the fact that she knew how to manipulate me like nobody else ever did, except perhaps the president, doesn't mean that I didn't know how to get something that benefited me too out of her games. The way I found out how to do it, was funny: Sean Kingsley, that intelligent friend of mine who I didn't manage to recover, ended up giving me the key that not only helped me with that woman, but also with my personal situation.

That was the last time I tried, for the umpteenth time, to make him listen to me. Sean's attitude towards me had turned cold and distant since the day I decided we had to stop being friends. It was a painful decision that had to be done. After my parents got murdered due to my initial refusal to become an escort, I knew that anyone close to me could be a potential victim. One mistake and I could lose everything. So I undertook the hard task of getting away from all the friends I had. It didn't turn up to be that helpful, because my anxiety over the issue would never go away completely, but, it sort of gave me peace of mind for what I had to do next: to resign myself to my fate.

Something that I think I wouldn't have been able to do if we were still Sean was reaped, I tried to take advantage of the situation to be his mentor, because I was convinced I could make him come back alive. I already knew his recklessness and hotheadedness, it was something easy to handle, Annie on the other hand...

I just stopped knowing what to do next the moment I noticed my feelings for her. Not that I could do much anyway, the Capitol couldn't know the truth, she would be eliminated in a second. But Sean... he might have had an opportunity to win if he collaborated. Actually, they both had it, no matter who I chose to support in the end. I had a plan for each one with Mags. Plan that turned out to be pointless since Sean focused on training in an attempt to ignore me, as if we were in District 4 or worse, and Annie wasn't the most popular among the careers.

" _You know, you could make an effort to forget about it. This isn't being easy for me either,_ " I told him back then, fed up.

The red-haired boy barely a year younger than me spun around, releasing his room's doorknow in the Training Center, slowly.

" _Of course, you must be suffering so much right now, am I right?_ " he said with an attitude, a smug smile that I didn't like at all appearing in his face. " _Come on, Fin. Don't make me laugh._ "

I remember I grimaced when I noticed the spite in the way he pronounced the nickname by which Annie and he referred to me, several years ago, when we were still friends.

" _I do not intend to fall for your taunts. You just don't have a clue._ "

" _And at this rate I won't have it before I die. A bit cruel, don't you think?_ " He smiled again in that way I was starting to hate, showing that he still had that strange contrast between impulsiveness and manipulative skills, which made him get everything he wanted back in the district. I didn't answer.

" _You're right, I could do it_ ," he admitted after a while. " _I could forget everything I see you doing on television for a minute, but I'm not interested. You disappointed me a lot, Finnick, and not just for accepting. I should have imagined it after what happened to you._ " The last sentence sounded like a whisper that left me somewhat impressed. While Sean had always been too intuitive for his own good, I never imagined he could suspect, as he did, about the Capitol tricks. " _You didn't even try to squeeze something useful out of all this. You could get everything you want out of those people!_ "

.

Whatever. That was something I hadn't thought about until he mentioned it. Everything I could get out of Capitol people. It wasn't as if they didn't give me stuff already on the contrary, apart from my wages, I always found gifts between the sheets after they left, or whoever my customer was that night gave them to me personally. Mainly jewelry, more money, travel vouchers, or stuff like that that didn't interest me. Details that I was forced to thank with kisses and cuddles, instead of throwing them away, as I wished. It was not until that day that I started thinking about something I would really like. Some help, some advantage, whatever I could use now or later.

That's how my currency of secrets in exchange for my services was born. Thalia was the first to offer them straight away, although being as she was involved in the games, she mainly helped my tributes survive. In a certain way, after the way she blackmailed me, it felt good...

It was an advantage, something I could have off her if I was lucky. I tried to use her at my will, and, in a way, I managed it, since Annie did come out of the Arena. But what happened next showed me that I still had a lot to learn.

The consequences of the games are never good for anyone. But I can't help but think that for Annie they were way worse. She ended up alone after refusing everyone's help, or at least she would have if it had not been for me.

And now she's alone again on this day that should be so special to me, because of those who hold me here again. Maybe that's why I'm so absent while being with Thalia, because I think of Annie.

I try to push her gently, eager to finish our date as soon as possible. But she turns whimsical again and insists that I take her to the hotel room, as promised, for I have a lot to thank her for. I ignore my urges to strangle her and I say yes, nothing can be done about it anyway.

"The stars are sooo shiny," she slurs, and wings at me while holding my hand, which prevents her from tripping over as we walk. I don't talk to her and she doesn't talk to me either, she just grabs hold of me as if releasing me would kill her. I don't complain, I'm too used to these reactions. When we arrive to the hotel hall, she pulls me forward, with a sly expression, she seems more direct, less drunk. I give her a small smile, as if I enjoyed her attitude, then I hear voices in the corridors. And I stop.

"Don't stop! We're gonna have fun, aren't we?" She asks me, I compose one of my best smiles, but choose to remain silent...

Because then I see her.

"Annie?" I manage to ask. I'm sure it's her. But what is she doing here? Shouldn't she be waiting for me in district four?


End file.
